I blame Arsene Wenger for all this to be honest. If the Arsenal manager was a bit less like a poker player on his last hand, all in, and with his house and car riding on the result, or if he had actually done a bit more of what the football media had been expecting, then they would not have to start grasping at straws quite so desperately.
But the Frenchman has showed no signs of signing a striker. Surely he must realise that Thierry Henry was right about Olivier Giroud. Surely he must be aware that Theo Walcott is one strong breeze away from another season on the sidelines, or that Danny Welbeck was a secret plant by Sir Alex Ferguson.
So he must be after someone they think, and if not maybe we can sell a few papers by claiming that Arsenal are being offered one of the best strikers in the world, Karim Benzema, for not far off what Liverpool paid for Balotelli last summer, as a Metro report claims. The story is that Real Madrid are planning to use Ronaldo as the main striker next season and I can just about buy that, even though he has done reasonably well on the left, scoring a satisfactory amount of 313 goals in his six seasons in Spain. But why sell the best back up option they have for a pittance? Answer, they wouldn´t.
And if you thought that was a daft Arsenal transfer rumour, how about Arsene Wenger shelling out nearly £50 million for Mario Gotze, a player that we need about as much as another error prone keeper. Seriously Metro, do you not realise that with Jack Wilshere, Ramsey, Rosicky, Ozil, Cazorla, Chamberlain, Alexis and all, Arsenal could open a shop selling small and technically tricky players?
Try a bit harder will you? At least make up something believable. Here’s a tip, find an unheard of and injury prone French youngster available on a free transfer, now that would be more like it.