What Stan Kroenke and Mikel Arteta really talked about in Denver (parody)

What Arteta and Kroenke talked about in Denver during the transfer window

Mikel Arteta – Hi Boss. How’s it going. Are you happy with where we are in the League?

Stan Kroenke – Err sure… Are you near the top then?

MA – Yes boss, we are nearly certain to get back into Europe next season.

SK – Why? Are they starting the Super League after all?

MA – No boss, we just have to finish in the Top Six, and it’s looking gooooood…

SK – Excellent (he says, smiling and rubbing his hands) so what do you want to talk to me about?

MA – Welllll, I’ve decided to give away our best striker and I need another 75 million to buy a replacement. If you pay that, we will DEFINITELY be in Europe.

SK –  Are you serious? (not smiling any more) 150m in the summer was more than enough to guarantee Europe. That’s what you told me anyway!

MA – Yes boss, but look at how much money I’ve saved you by getting rid of half our players and their salaries.

SK – Saved me! You’ve already got to replace the 150m from the summer, and you want a pay rise!

MA – Seriously though, the fans will crucify me, and you, if we don’t bring in one player on deadline Day. And it would have to be a very good one if we are going to get away with it.

SK – Well the answer is still no. No more money until we add up our savings in the summer, and then I’ll decide if you get a new contract too.

MA – C’mon Boss. What am I going to tell the fans???

SK (thinking…)

SK – Okay I got a plan. We have a player at my soccer club, the Rapids. I’ve heard that he wants to go to Europe to play next season. Trusty by name, Trusty by nature! He’s quite a good player by all accounts too.…. How about we sign him over to Arsenal. Keep him here until the summer, then he can find a small team in Europe that can give him some experience. How does that sound?

MA (perplexed) Err.. how does that help me boss?

SK – Think about it you idiot! You can announce him on Deadline Day. Problem solved!

MA – Err Okay boss (walks away shaking his head….)

Amusing Admin

Tags Arteta Kroenke


      1. How I love comic parady and this was one of the best Pat!

        Actually we need many more, so expect one from me too before long. But it may not be about our manager but about other folk on JA (not those running the site though, promise!) No, I mean, AS IF I would ever dare do that!

        To be serious though, we REALLY do need to take ourselves far less seriously on here.

        I realise that applies to me, as much as anyone(he added shamefacedly!!)

  1. SK. Hello Mikel what can I do for you.
    MA. I want to tell you we are doing well in the league we are competing for 4th place and we need another top goal scorer to compete.
    SK. Top 4 is bad as we have to spend too much on expensive players to stay in the CL. besides top quarterbacks are hard to find in January. It’s NFL play off time + all the top QB’s are busy.
    Mikel. But your NFL team the Rams are in the Super bowl final.
    SK. That is different because NFL teams have a salary cap so transfers mean nothing.
    MA So what do you want me to do.
    SK I want you to tell the fans top 4 is the goal but make sure you only get top 6. Now you must cut the squad back to 20 players so when you get injuries you will struggle to win games. Also get rid of the captain and find someone who will obey orders.
    MA. Yes Sir SK I understand.
    SK. Now go back and score some touch downs but not too many mind.
    MA Oh can you suggest a cheap department store with quality product
    SK. For sure Target, Amazon and home Depot are good are good but avoid Wallmart as all their stuff is expensive and rubbish.

  2. Kroenke definitely told him to buy American players. Find it oddly coincidental that he travelled there and week later we buy Turner and Trusty.

    When is the last time we bought from MLS?

  3. Just one correction to MA’s question: “So what am I going to tell the fans?”

    SK – Just continue doing what you’re used to; just make stuff up. Your brigade believe every word you say, anyway; they think you’re the messiah. Or even better, just blame Edu. If the heat gets too hot, we can just fire him. In the meantime tell Vinai to start a false rumor about new funds of 180M coming in the summer. That, for sure, will keep them happy.

  4. The whole Trusty transfer smacks of PR stunt to get attention for his MLS franchise. They want to create a “connection” between them and Arsenal.

    They will be a second academy, a feeder club for Arsenal youth. Wouldn’t surprise me to see academy players loaned there next.

    Smart from a business sense, huge benefit for his MLS franchise, but minimal if any impact for Arsenal.

  5. How we Gooners simply adore that dedicated enthusiastic owner who comes to every game.

    I am thinking of starting up an “I love Stanley” fan club! Please form a queue to join it and don’t push in!

    Now THAT’S sarcasm at its finest!

  6. You forgot to mention, tell the press we are buying three players for 180,000 in the summer , that should keep them happy for a while.

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